Sitting in a car at night time, not satisfied with what was around me. I was on a chase. I was on a mission. I would stop on the side of the road and close my eyes, only to open them and be still unsettled. I would drive up the road thinking surely I can from this point. Again I would pull over only to be yet dissatisfied again. I didn’t care in that moment about anything else. I was chasing darkness. I was chasing the night sky. I was chasing the stars. I was on the search for a clear picture of the moon that for the last 4 months of my life was my flashlight in the African night sky. Chasing a dark sky that wasn’t filled with light pollution. A sky not filled with man made lights.
In this moment my soul wants to see the clear stars. It longs for the quietness of the African nights. The quietness that you can even hear yourself think clearer. It isn’t muffled by cars and traffic. It isn’t polluted with the chaos of planning a busy day tomorrow. This is the place, where I would pick up my pen and begin to write Him. I would sit at my patio table (depending if we had electricity or not i would my headlamp) open up my bible and my journal. I would sit for minutes that felt like hours because of the amount of quietness around me. The stillness in the air was astonishing. Was there noise? Yes, but the stillness of the whole place mixed with the dark night sky doesn’t allow you to even be bothered by it all. That place where it is just you and God alone underneath the dark African Sky that he is using to light the world around you. I often will pull over at night and just sit. Chasing Darkness. I will begin to pray and praise Him. Chasing Darkness. Chasing that place with Him.
The place of undistracted time. The place of full devotion. The place of wholly surrender. The place where the cares of everything fade away.
This is the place that was created in Africa. Is it just in Africa? No, It has very little to do with Africa. It took a trip to Africa for me to realize my soul is always searching for that place. That place of refuge. That place of quietness. That place of being alone with the maker and lover of your soul.
We all long for this place. We all were made with it in our hearts to yearn to hear what He has to say. Just like I chase darkness, you chase chase those moments of clear thinking and complete peace.
I shared this with a friend not long ago. Her response was spot on for where I was:
The crazy thing about chasing is you eventually catch what it is you run after. So the idea is not having the courage to chase, but rather knowing and defining what it is your chasing.
I was chasing darkness. The place where the night sky wouldn’t be polluted with lights. Where I could find peace and solitude with quietness. I was chasing darkness that where I live isn’t a quick drive away. The truth is I was chasing the Lover of my soul. I am chasing undistracted time to just waste with Him. I am chasing the one who not only lights up the world with His stars but lights the fire in my heart. I am chasing the Maker of Heaven and Earth but yet He is mindful of me. I am chasing the who paves the way before me. For I plan my steps but He directs them. I am chasing the “I AM”. I am chasing the one who holds my heart. I am chasing the Love of my life. I am chasing the one who defines me.
I am chasing darkness.