It as if I have this faith that can move mountains, in my mind. Ask me to believe for thousands of children to be fed, I’m on it! Ask me to pray for someone to be healed from cancer, I’m on it! Ask me to believe for something crazy and I will do it. I will be a bull dog that won’t let go. I know how to stand. This isn’t my problem. My problem isn’t with standing for others.
About 5 months ago I left for a trip of a lifetime. I went to Mozambique, Africa. What you don’t know is that before that God blew up my world. I knew with all confidence that God would supply every penny I needed to be able to experience this. Truth is, I shot very low in my asking with The Lord. What do I mean? Well I had calculated the amount based off the “lowest” I could raise and still be okay. I didn’t ask for more than enough. I wasn’t about to set my standard to high. After all, asking for thousands of dollars for me is crazy, seeing that I made 4,000 dollars all of last year. (another story for another day) A thousand dollars seems like millions to this girl! Even asking for the amount I did was stretching. Again, there was a part of me that knew I was asking way too small of such a big God. I couldn’t get past myself.
I had a month to raise money. In case you forgot, that is 30 days that fly by so fast. Money began to come in by the floods. I found myself shocked. I would celebrate over any amount that came in. I was handed 5 dollars in quarters by my friends 9 year old. Of course, I was tempted to not take it not because it was quarters but more so because just the act in itself was enough for me. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I knew that I would get to Africa. I had faith for that. After all, God called me there so of course He will provide. But little did I know or rather, little faith did I have to believe that He could provide more than enough for me.
My struggle isn’t believing for “crazy out of this world” things for others or myself. My struggle isn’t to believe that God can’t provide for me.
My struggle is daring to believe that God would want to go the beyond the need and give me more than enough. I settle. I settle with smile on my face. “Yay! look what God did! He is so faithful!” All the while knowing, He can do way more than I am asking Him to.
I never saw this as a big deal. I never thought well this area needs fixing. Until, I lived with orphans in Africa. It was there, that God chose to lay this heart on the surgery table. God showed me that out of His great love for me I can’t continue on with this struggle. Never did I think I struggled with “orphan” mindsets. Yet, I hold back from asking my Papa God for the fullness of what He has for me. When it comes to believing for doors to open for me, it’s not a struggle. When it comes to money, boy oh boy, its a whopper. I settle for the amount needed. I pray “Lord I need this amount” Does He supply? Always! I don’t want to bother the Lord with asking for more than I need. After all doesn’t He know that I would love to have more? In Africa, we weren’t allowed to call the children “orphans”, because they weren’t. They have family. We are their family. The people that God has placed there to love on them and care for them are their family. When they bring in a new child, I can imagine the struggle of the kid. They probably feel unworthy to be taken care of. They most likely feel like they are some what of a “step child”. They probably feel like they are an obligation and don’t expect you to go out of the way for them. They are just happy that they are getting their basic needs met. They expect nothing more than that. Seeing this, exposed the “orphan” inside me. I am not asking Daddy God for anything bigger than my needs. I proclaim that He can do it and I honestly think He can! I just don’t ask!
The journey of all of this continues today. I am work in progress! I know that I am being challenged to ASK not just proclaim that He is able and walk away satisfied with the idea that “well if He just meets my need”. Really taking moments and times to allow myself to ask for more than enough for His glory. Its letting the fact that God loves to lavish me as well as all of His children that needs to sink in. He isn’t just a Daddy that will limit Himself to meeting my needs but He desires to lavish more than enough over me for His glory. He isn’t limiting Himself, I am doing that for Him.
In one month I raised more than double what I asked for. BOOM! My mind was blown. Yet, I still have to remind myself of His goodness to go beyond just my needs and meet the desires of my heart. I am quick to be reminded of that mentality being back in America. I am also seeing that I am quicker to run to Daddy God and not just ask for what I need, but for the more that He has for me in whatever way that looks. I’m growing and its not easy. I am growing and it is worth it.
It’s a funny thing, faith. Just when you believe for what seems great, He is capable of more than those great things!