How does one transition from the hotel life to a home life? I think that is the golden question of our lives and it will be a continued walk for us all. I wish I could offer you a formula that would work every time and for every relationship. A quick $19.99 pill to heal your heart and offer you freedom from all the lies that have so easily entangled you. I think the cliche, yet truthful answer to transitioning from treating your heart like a hotel to a home, starts in your mind. We must recognize the lies that have traveled with us in our life. They come from a range of places. It can be thoughts you have about yourself or things that have been spoken over you by others. We hear about this so often and yet, as many times as we hear it, we still seem to need the continual refresher that renewing our mind is not a joke. We don’t get a day of vacation in this area. You will never arrive at a place where you will no longer need to renew your mind.
There is a saying, “there are 2 battles; one to get free and one to stay free.” Meaning, we will receive freedom, but we will also always need to gain more freedom as we walk and continuously tend to the ground that has been set free. One of the many things that you can start doing is keeping an eye out for the lies you believe about yourself and start conquering them with healing and truth. This can be walked out in different ways. Personally, I tend to see a theme of feelings and insecurities hitting me from all over and I will start to ask myself what is causing me to think and feel the way I am. When I discover the lie, I will ask God where the lie started, and usually this leads me into the act of forgiving either myself or others. I ask the Lord to break the lie and give me His truth to replace it. Don’t think that this happens rarely. Honestly, I live within a continual walk of conquering lies that have seemed to travel with me thus far in my life.
Another helpful tool in transitioning your heart from a hotel to a home, is the use of discernment over mercy. Often times, people can tend to have a great heart of mercy towards others. This can get the best of us when it comes to allowing people into our hearts instead of first, allowing people to show us that they are safe. We can tend to be suckers for love and people. Looking back on my life story, I believe that there are times where if I were to have valued myself in a healthier way, I wouldn’t have had to walk out some of the very dysfunctional relationships that I did. Several times, I have allowed my mercy for people to outweigh what I saw in them. I would have thoughts like, “ If I don’t love them who will?” and, “Christ calls me to love everyone, so here is another moment to choose the narrow road.” Completely wrapped within religion, good intentions, and mercy, I would allow people into my heart with an all-access pass; all without knowing that God had never told me to let them in as close as I had. I was simply unaware that love could be accomplished from a distance.
Love does not mean that you must give everyone an instant V.I.P. pass to your heart. I love love and I am all about loving people, however, I would encourage you to not allow your, “mercy heart” to get the best of you. Value yourself enough to allow relationships to grow in a healthy way. You aren’t the only one who can love just anyone who walks into your life. There is a whole family of believers that God wants to use to love people. Don’t pressure yourself by allowing your mercy to silence your discernment. There will be people you can love solely from a distance and there will be those that have earned their way to your heart, and you give a key to your house. It should be an honor to have access to your heart, not something that everyone gets the quick benefit of.
Remember, that although Jesus had twelve disciples, they each played a different role in Jesus’ walk on Earth. It is important to have a few Johns in your life. These are the ride or die people who have full access to your heart and can call you out and up into who you were made to be. These people (the Johns) are able to hold your hand when you need it and love you in the midst of the ugliest seasons of life. You will also have many people who are close to you, but should not have the ability to come and go as they please. Similar to these people, you will also run into some of those whom you can love, but you will need to know that they aren’t who they may want you to think that they are. They may be the Judas’. You can love Judas with the same heart that you love John, but it will look different. Love is not measured by the closeness of a person, but rather in the quickness of unconditional love that is given, regardless of actions. Jesus loved Judas as much as He loved John, however, this love played out differently and allowed for different boundaries. I believe that we all want Johns in our lives and to have them is essential, however, we must carefully discern who the Johns of our lives will be.
An important part of loving in a healthy manner is knowing how to love those who are on the outer banks of your heart. I don’t mean to say that everyone apart from a John is a Judas by any means, but rather share that not everyone is a John. Life is filled with a community of Peters, James’, and Thomas’. Each person plays an important role in your walk of life. It will take a team to accomplish what is inside of you; the dreams, the visions, the crazy faith required lifestyle you have been called to… Not every relationship is required to looks like John’s did with Jesus. As I mentioned before, you can love many people with the same love, however, often times it will look different, person to person.
~ Please do not use this blog post as a reason to think that a person(s) in your life is a Judas just because you’re working through something difficult. If you are working through stuff, I would state that maybe they aren’t a Judas, as Judas never worked through anything outwardly. The point isn’t to judge people, the point is that you love the same because you know your own value and you can from that place, love in wholeness, knowing how and when to open your heart and to what measure. It won’t be an easy road to transition from something you have done for a long time, but it will be worth it! You are worth it and you will recognize this as you gain momentum in treating your heart like a home and not a hotel.
I would encourage you to sit back and ask yourself, as well as the Lord, a few questions after reading this:
Who are the people who have full access to your heart? Are they safe, solid, loving people? Do they love you where you are, with a desire to see you grow? Can they speak life and truth in love? Are there people who have access to your heart that shouldn’t? Do you allow people into your heart too quickly? Are there lies that you are believing about yourself that don’t add up to your value in Christ? What is the truth that God speaks about you?
You are deeply loved!
-Shay Arthur
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